At 25..

I am more puzzled than anything else on why I am puzzled about a thing that I'm puzzled about.

There are many WHY's in my head right now. Not much of WHAT IF's cause I'd like to quit from TOO MUCH day dreaming. But WHY's have pre-occupied me more than anything else and puzzled why I let things happen when i should have known better.

Whenever I remind myself with an answer like "Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial" there's a follow-up question like "Then, WHY?" Then I realized I got the first why unanswered. But then with a little more contemplating it boils down with the fact that I didn't want to answer the WHY question at all. Much like when a friend asked me if i had my dinner and I answered back that I had a feast for lunch. I was more interested to let her know what I had for lunch than just say "No/not yet." Same thing when I was asked "Why are you going out with ___?" kind of question to which I would replied back "Why not? It's not like I'm getting married." It's more like I'm in an auto mode setting in not answering the obvious questions. Then they'll wrapped it up with the reasons why not - my favorite part to hear! hahaha I watched David Archuleta singing Longer last night in the season marathon of AI, I have no beau to expect to sing the song for me but in my dreams I heard that David Cook has a much beautiful rendition. On the side note I think that was how I got the answer to one of my WHY's that night just like that.

I always believe that God gives us the free will to do as we please but it is wise to consider to ponder on why choose one option over another. A care-free life doesn't necessarily mean zero predicament but a life of having the right attitude. 'Pag binato ka ng bato, batuhin mo ng tinapay kind of mentality. Doing good to your enemies without expecting anything in return. Loving unconditionally those who doesn't even bother to be sensitive enough about your own needs. Consistently standing in prayer for the aspirations you've dreamt since you were a lil kid kahit na you've become jaded. Keeping the faith even if your situation asks you it's not worth it. Like expecting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am equally dumbfounded on how I was able to be out on a 24-hour rendezvous. And why? Hahaha well, for quite a number of reasons:my adventurous disposition shared with a good friend in tow, all we need was a stop-over and another round of catching up with fellas and we must admit - with the charm, talkative manners and i can keep your secret clause in the forehead to boost, who'll ever deny us? But why a 24-hour straight rendezvous? Simple, we embrace spontaneity.

I love that about life. I love spontaneity once in a while.

I'm currently in the stage of eagerly waiting for the best things to happen in my life, one of which I WISH to come to me SOONER than later. My friends would tell me to think about it really hard though, citizenship issue is a very let's just say complicated. I didn't mind it at first, but when I began dreaming about owning a property at Sabang Beach while loving the kiss from the sun and when the news came to me that there's no BEACH in Manitoba I said "this is a hideous idea". But then, how can I own a lot from Sabang if I won't push thru migrating someplace else for the meantime?

Sabi, "The end of the matter is better than it's beginning, patience is better than pride." Good things come to those who wait. If that would be the case, then I'd like to take my time and wait. I've got nothing to lose at 25, only more to gain. And I'm on the look-out for that. Moderate day-dreaming is good for the heart, isn't it? Way better than stresstabs!

Quarter life crisis may be a cliche, but nothing is peculiar to it. It's just the time when most 25ish get into an evaluation test versus the life they imagined to have after college graduation. Crisis in a way that life at 25 usually calls for decisive action and your stuck for a moment because it will either take you or hold you back in realizing the dream you've been wanting to have and to hold. But my eagerness at a certain level has come to pass which allowed me to have major CHILL moments and I like that.

And as I always say "I'll cross the bridge when I get there." Then I'll tell you what it's like. Promise.

(originally posted last May 19, 2008 at my multiply page)

Booted Out

Everything Changes. This is how his page goes for the title. It was recently updated, maybe after he learned that I invited him over facebook to be my contact and albeit my seemingly friendly "I have moved on" one-liner message that apparently involves only my then nickname for him; he still declined my invitation.

I feel a bit bad about it. It feels like someone disliked me. Not that I'm dwelling on this nauseous feeling of rejection, but it made me realized that I still care about someone who obviously doesn't want to hear from me at the moment; or maybe forever after all we went through. Many would agree if I say he isn't worth the effort. And I know there isn't any reason for me to still "bug" him. Honestly, I just wanna know how he's been since we said our goodbyes. It sound simple to me but to many who would read this will tell me otherwise. And it's okay, I would accept criticisms, this is just me being reminiscent of the past that deserve to be long forgotten or at least kept in leaves of a journal, and it shouldn't make me less of the woman God has created. Someday I will know why. But I am not sulking in a corner just because of this, that is so elementary! I got bigger concerns that need my immediate attention. Everything changes nga talaga and all the more I am realizing that all the changes we face today is an after effect of what we've done from yesterdays. I may have lost this one relationship but I can't bear the thought of losing other much important relationships I have today, I really can't, that would be an awful feeling. Having a boyfriend is great but having real girlfriends around can give you a high you would not get from anybody else. And when it's is tested by any misunderstanding for sure it can also bring you an all-time low. At least that is what I feel. And yes, I am backing off to sort things out myself and resolve whatever bugs me. Certainly this isn't all about the declined facebook contact invitation, it was just a wake up call. The tip of the iceberg of real-life concerns that are threatened if I don't something right now. I won't throw the seven years or so that we've had a soul sisters. I JUST CAN'T!!!! And I am asking just one favor, don't boot me out of your contacts.