Day 1

It takes seven days to make a habit.

This is it. I will continue a life where I will choose God's best over what I think is good at the moment. I am starting over. This is my new year.

Must.Hit.Gym

Today is the day I am pursuing other interest that will help me grow out of this mediocre life. Photography. Fitness. Nutrition. Coffee. Conversations. These are the few of my favorite things that I have not paid attention in a while.

Single life rock. And I will live it. Beginning today.

So help me God.

A Big Hug

...is what I feel I need right now. A reassurance that I get through this. The much-needed breakup.

Long Overdue Breakup

First relationship, first breakup. Sometimes, I wish I did open myself up to relationship way before this first one which is about two months short of first anniversary. Only because I would have been immune to letting go and moving on. Then maybe this feeling of abandonment wouldn't be so alien that I keep holding on to what is left in the relationship that is deem necessary to keep me sane...or so I thought.

On September 17 last year, I met the wrong guy at the right time. I knew I was ready to commit, it's just waiting for the right one to come along. But there was a lot of "magic moments" from the first night we met that I thought it is worth my time, energy and emotion. Being a non-Christian is a deal breaker. I knew that. I should have said no. But I was ready to take a chance. Ready to fall in love. Ready to take a risk at being broken hearted. Or so I thought.

I gave my whole heart. He gave his. But when you know some things are not meant to be, when your guts tell you it's time to stop, you should listen to that small voice. You should.

I'm stuck in a moment. I don't know what to do. Actually, I know what to do about breaking up. I have advised a lot of friends about it. Stick with them through thick and thin. But when it finally happens to you...

I feel lost.

I feel rejected.

I feel abandoned.

Even if he is still in the other room.

I asked him to stay even if he wanted to spend the rest of the day at his own place.

I'd rather take the pain than let myself take the first step in letting go and moving on because I fear the feeling of abandonment and rejection.

This is so hard.

I wish I said yes, dating someone who doesn't have the same values and belief is a deal-breaker. Then, this shouldn't be happening. ..